Disclaimer: Belongs to ABC and all of them.

Author's Notes: My first ever AMC story. I'm loving Ryan and Kendall, so it was time. Takes place immediately following March 22's episode.

Summary: Ryan and Kendall, that's pretty much all you need to know.

Prologue:

Kendall Hart stood outside Ryan's door at the Pine Cone, choking back the tears that threatened to fall. She brought her hand to her face, as though that would have aided her in her objective. All of that went to hell in a handbasket when she heard the door open behind her. She couldn't look. She wanted to. Oh how she wanted to. She knew if she let him, this man could tell her everything would be okay. That she was wanted and that someone gave a damn. But taking that risk was not an option. She took a step forward, feeling the air get cooler as the day got older.

Ryan Lavery's strong hand stopped her. He didn't mean what he had said. He'd spoken in fear. Complete and utter fear of what could happen if he let it. In turn, he had hurt her. He knew that despite her exterior and reputation she did care what he thought. God help him, he cared too. He stopped her, he had to.

"Kendall, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait," he said, pulling her towards him, her back to him.

"I want to be alone right now." The dam broke, the tears fell. She tried to pry herself away, although not really wanting to. She tried to hide her face in her wrap.

"Listen to me." He felt her smooth skin underneath his fingertips.

"Don't touch me. I want to be alone right now. I want to be alone," she sobbed, trying to break free.

He turned her towards him and wrapped his strong arms around her tiny form. "Shh, shh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I know, I know, I'm sorry. It'll be okay. It'll be okay."

She couldn't help it. She put her arms around him, seeking solace in him. She knew later she'd pay for it dearly. She didn't care as he kept his arms around her, leading her back into his room, the tears blurring her vision.

Chapter One:

Kendall sat down on Ryan's bed, her tears drying on her face. She held her purse and wrap in her hands, fidgeting like a nervous child as they shook. She kept telling herself to calm down, this wasn't her. Kendall Hart did not break down. Especially not in front of people. If only that were the truth. She knew better. She looked up at Ryan, who had taken a seat next to her. The gap between them was an inch, possibly less. Kendall looked down, noticing it.

He lifted her chin with one hand, the other on her bare arm. She shivered, the tiny hairs on her arm standing on end. "You don't have to be."

"Yes, I do."

"Why"

He shrugged, giving a half smile. "Because I want to."

"And you don't do anything you don't want to do?"

"Never."

"Then don't take pity on me."

"I don't pity you."

"No? Then why come outside for me? You saw some pathetic woman crying and, and, what? What, Ryan?"

"No, Kendall," he threw his hands behind his head in frustration. The absence of his digits on her was noticed with a twinge of regret. "I don't feel sorry for you at all. I feel. I feel. Well, I wasn't going to let a friend walk away angry or hurt."

"I wasn't angry or hurt."

"I was. And I didn't want to leave things like that."

"So, we're friends?"

"You said it."

"So, you brought me into your room because you cared?"

"I'm not hitting on you, Kendall."

"Of course not, six-pack." She stayed seated, bringing one leg tucked underneath her, the other dangling. She looked at the musty walls and though about all the time he'd spent here. It was dark and he needed a change before he sunk deeper into his brooding and self-pity.

"I had a wife, Kendall."

"I know that."

"I can't move on yet."

"Did I ask you to?"

"Yes, yes you did. When you crawl into my bed. When you come in here dressed like that."

"Dressed like what?"

"Like, like, like that. You know what I mean. You leave your lingerie here. You do these things to provoke me, to get a rise out of me. For what? Because I loved Gillian very much and I'm not past that yet."

"I didn't ask you to be past it. I would never ask you to be past that," she stood up and faced him.

"Then what do you want from me?"

He grabbed both arms and looked at her, into her eyes. He saw something. He saw vulnerability, he saw unmistakable fear, he saw desire. He did the next thing that came to mind. He crushed his lips to hers, intertwining his fingers in her hair, the other hand at her back. Her hands were at his waist and traveled upwards, underneath his tee shirt. They pulled away for a moment, just for reassurance.

He brought his mouth to her collarbone as one hand pulled the zipper to her red dress. He pulled back, sliding the straps from her shoulders, watching the garment pool on the floor, partially covering her heel clad feet. He smirked when he realized there was nothing on under her dress. She stepped out of it, kicking off her shoes.

Running her nails down his chest to his abs, she pulled at the hem of his shirt, pulling it over his head. Pulling her towards him, he resumed his assault on her collarbone and neck. She fumbled with his belt until it was out of the way. The pants were the next to go. Once away, she looked at him. Both already knew there was no turning back, but she still wanted to look at his face, into his eyes, before going through with this completely. He guided her over to his bed, laying her down gently and climbing on top of her.

Later into the night, the sun having gone down hours ago, Kendall pried herself from Ryan's embrace. She looked at his sleeping face and caressed his cheek, smiling. She thought back to what had happened. He'd been gentle. No man had ever been gentle and taken such care of her while making love. If what she had previously done could be called making love. She picked up her dress, zipped it up, and carried her shoes and purse out the door with her. She was careful not to wake him up. He looked too peaceful.

She walked into Myrtle's house softly, not wanting to wake anyone who may be sleeping. As her foot touched the first step, a light went on in the living room. Seated in a chair, sleep still in her eyes, was Bianca.

"Long night?"

"Sorry, Binks, didn't meant to wake you."

"So, who was your date?"

"I didn't have a date."

"You have a hickey, or what looks like one, on your collarbone."

Kendall lightly touched the area Ryan had seemed so fond of. She looked at Bianca, then at the ground in front of her, thinking of something to say.

"Tell Ryan I said hi, next time you see him" Bianca smiled, walking past her sister, going to her room.

"Bianca, wait. Why did you wait up for me? I'm a big girl. I can take care of myself."

"Can you? I wasn't waiting up for you. I was reading for school and fell asleep in the chair." Bianca noticed the distant look on Kendall's face. "Kendall, what's wrong?"

"Nothing, Bianca. I just made a mistake, is all." Kendall walked past her sister, appearing as though she had a rather heavy weight on her shoulders.

Ryan woke up in an empty bed, sat up and noticed Kendall's pink wrap on the floor. He frowned, thinking and wondering why she'd left. "It wasn't just sex, was it?"

Chapter Two:

He was actually doing it. He couldn't believe it, but there he stood. He carefully lifted Myrtle's flower pot and felt for the key. He stood and placed it in the keyhole slowly, not wanting to wake anyone up. Once the door was open her returned the key to it's home on the cold cement and shut the door behind him, locking it.

He took each step softly, focused on his destination. He arrived at her door, sighed, and opened it with caution. The only light came from the moon. It lightly and softly illuminated her features as she slept. He couldn't help but notice how distraught she looked, her brow furrowed. The comforter looked as though she'd kicked it off in a fit. He smiled at her plain white tank top and blue, draw string pants. He doubted anyone else knew that she slept in something so casual and common. He figured most people would have figured her for a lingerie type. But her look didn't surprise him at all. Still, though a small smile on his face, it pained him to think of how isolated she felt.

He looked down at her pink wrap. The color was a contradiction to her feelings, her personality. At least, that was what most people saw. To be perfectly honest, he felt honored that he seemed to be the only one who'd witnessed her inherent goodness. He draped the wrap over the chair, which was sitting scattered away from the desk. He looked back at her, stepping to the edge of her bed. He knelt and kissed her cheek, noticing the headphones over her ears and portable CD player lying next to her. He remembered her telling Chris that she'd wear the headphones, so as not to bother him. He kissed her cheek again, turning away.

"Why are you here?"

He looked back to see her sitting up, pulling the headphones off and running her hand through her hair.

"I brought your pink...thing back," he said, searching for the words, surprised that she'd noticed he was there.

"You could have dropped it off at SOS. Or I would have come for it later."

"Would you have?"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Well, Kendall, you left. I woke up and you were gone. No goodbye, no thanks, no nothing."

"Why would I thank you?"

"Can you give me a straight answer?"

"You're the one who snuck into my room. I get to ask the questions. Why were you trying to wake me up?"

"I wasn't trying to wake you up."

"It's not like a sleep much anyway. But why did you kiss me? Twice."

"I wasn't trying to wake you up."

"Then, why, Ryan?"

"I want to. Can I ask you a question now?"

"Do I already know what it is?"

"Why did you leave, Kendall?"

"Because what happened. I don't know. It didn't feel right."

"It didn't feel right."

"Sorry."

"No, don't apologize. I'll see you, Kendall." He turned and left, leaving her on her bed.

She kicked the rest of the comforter to the floor as a blue streak crossed her lips. "It was too right, Ryan. It was too right."

Kendall sighed and fell back onto her pillows. Her eyes closed as soon she succumbed to the fatigue that had plagued her. Her dreams were more like nightmares. Tonight was no exception.

Clad in black pants and a white v-neck sweater Kendall entered Ryan's room. He sat up and smiled.

"What are you doing here?"

"I wanted to apologize for leaving last night."

"No, no, it was fine," he excused it.

She took note that he was only in his jeans. She stood in front of him, moving her finger down his chest.

"What are you doing, Kendall?"

"Saying I'm sorry."

"I told you. It was okay. Your were right. Last night, it shouldn't have happened. It was wrong.

She took a step back and stared at him, her mouth slightly agape.

"You can go now," he pointed to his door.

"What?"

"You can go. We talked about this yesterday, Kendall. Before that mistake of taking you to bed. Leave. Don't come back. I don't want you hanging around me like a lost puppy. I'm not your master, get out of here."

A few tears fell to her cheeks, he threw his head back in laughter.

"I've never had so much pity for one person, Kendall. You're pathetic. And you brought it all on yourself." She stepped backwards until she reached the door. "You're pathetic. You brought it all on yourself. You're pathetic. You brought it all on yourself." His words echoed as she shrank to the size of a child, feeling unwanted and alone.

She sat up, startled and in a cold sweat. The sun was now streaming through the window. She reached over and pulled down the curtain. She sat in the dark and cold atmosphere, thoughts of the previous night, his visit, and her dream, dancing a violent number in her head.

Chapter Three:

Kendall searched for her car keys, rifling through her purse, not paying attention to what she was doing. The parking lot was dark, when she had arrived the sun was shining brightly, a contrast to her mood and feelings. Her shift at SOS was long, arduous, and miserable. She performed her duties fine, but her mind was with Ryan in his room at the Pine Cone.

"What's wrong with me?" She dropped her keys on the ground, bending to pick them.

Wearily, she drove, her mind plagued. Coming too a stop light, she looked to the right and to the left. To the right would lead her to Myrtle's. To the left would lead her home. Her eyes grew wide in the realization of her thoughts. Home, Myrtle's is home, she thought. The arrow turned and she lifted her foot form the brake.

"Seriously, what is wrong with me? Who in their right mind would call the Pine Cone home? Ryan does," she chuckled, having a conversation with herself. "Why am I letting him get to me? This isn't supposed to happen. We had sex. We had sex. That wasn't making love. There's a difference. Or so I'm told."

She stopped the car and got out, cursing herself for screwing up and letting her guard down. She knocked on his door, not really regretting it, though.

He answered, looking like a god shirtless and in khaki pants, barefoot. Her mouth immediately went dry, her hands fidgeting. She hated that loss of control.

"What are you doing here?" He wouldn't move to let her in.

"I, um, I came to apologize." It was partially true. She honestly did not know why she had come here. It was a collection of reasons, actually. She had wanted to apologize to him. She did feel bad for being rude the night before. Even though he was the one that had broken into her bedroom. Another part of her wanted to have a reason to dismiss her nightmare after he had left. And finally, she just wanted to see him. Simple as that, she had missed him.

"Apologize?"

"Isn't that what friends do?"

"Only if they mean it," he answered, turning his back and sitting on his bed. She followed and closed the door, but stood in the middle of the room.

"I don't do anything I don't mean."

He looked at her, shocked and taken aback.

"You've got to be kidding me," he scoffed.

"Excuse me?"

"What was that about last night? It didn't feel right?"

"Well," she stuttered, trying to make up an excuse to hide.

"Stop hiding."

"What?"

"You're so afraid. Of what? Me?"

"I'm not afraid of you, Ryan," she said softly. "I just came to apologize. I was rude last night. I was having trouble getting to sleep."

"Can't imagine why."

"Stop it."

"Stop what? Making you realize the truth? Making you realize it's okay to feel something other than pain and anger and hate?"

"What about you?"

"This isn't about me."

"This is just as much about you as it is me. Are you ready to move on? Especially with me. Ryan, since I met you, you've been feeling sorry for yourself. Yeah, your wife died and you loved her. I know that. Believe it or not, I respect that. But you're just as afraid of hiding and moving on with your life as you seem to think I am."

"Funny, you seem to think it's okay to tell me what I'm afraid of, but you won't own up to it yourself." He stood and paced. She placed her hand on his arm.

"And what would you do if I did tell you that I was petrified of letting myself feeling anything? What would you do then, Ryan?"

He faced her, drawing an outline of her face with his thumbs, her eyes closing. "Is that what you're telling me, Kendall?"

"Answer me, Ryan. What if it is. If I told you I really was scared, what would you do?"

He brought his lips down to hers. Soft, sweet, and tender. She accepted and reciprocated. To her this is what love should feel like. Floating on a cloud, feeling safe and secure, like nothing in the world could destroy your happiness. That was a positive thought. Kendall Hart did not have those.

She brought her hands to his waist as he continued the kiss, his hands still on her face.

"Don't go, Kendall." His eyes pled his case and she breathed in.

"I don't want to have sex, Ryan."

"Neither do I," he shook his head. He closed his eyes, his forehead resting against hers, her eyes also shut.

Kendall, eyes still closed, needed courage to say what she wanted to say. If she went ahead and said it, her world would change, and possibly not for the better. If she kept quiet, she'd always wonder. "Make love to me, Ryan?" She felt it should have been formed more as a statement rather than a question, but she couldn't help it. She opened her eyes and looked up at him. "Make love to me." The look she saw in his eyes gave her the courage to not pose it as a request.

She had done it, he thought. She opened up to him. Ryan knew the vulnerable Kendall was in there, the one that wanted to be loved and accepted like every other person walking the planet. And he was the one she was showing it to. That knowledge made him feel new. He felt needed and he had not even planned on it. The best part was that she needed him and did not want that. She was needy, yes, but not in a clingy sort of way. They both needed someone. She needed him because he understood her. He saw the part of her that was lost.

"Erica doesn't give you nearly enough credit, Kendall."

"I just asked you to make love to me and you're bringing up my mommy?"

"Bad timing?"

"Very."

"It's true. It's too bad she won't let herself see what's inside of you."

"And you do?"

"You know I do. You let me see it."

"Listen, Ryan, I had a long day, it was really busy at SOS. So, I'm going to go-," he took her hand as she tried to walk away.

"Don't, Kendall. I asked you to stay and I meant it. You said you don't say things you don't mean, well neither do I."

"I've meant everything I've said to you tonight, Ryan."

"I know." He pulled her closer. She ran her hands down his muscled back. "I don't want you to regret this later, Kendall."

"I wouldn't have suggested it if I were going to regret it."

He laid another soft kiss to her lips before bringing his hands to her shoulders. He looked at the maroon shirt, uniform at SOS, noticing that she left the top three buttons undone. He brought his hands lower and slowly unbuttoned the shirt, pulling it from her pants and sliding it off of her shoulders.

He looked at her and placed one hand on the small of her back, enjoying the skin to skin contact. The other hand traveled to her shoulder sliding down one strap of her black, satin bra. She brought one foot up to her hand, unzipping the black, leather, ankle boot and removing it, repeating the action once more on the other foot. She smiled, realizing he had watched her.

As soon as both were free of their clothing and laying side by side on his bed he brought his hand to her head, cupping her face.

"We can stop now if you want."

"Don't even think about it, six-pack," she said, placing her delicate hand on his shoulder, beckoning him to come closer and fill the gap between them. He kiss her before continuing.

They made love slowly, passionately, lovingly. He hadn't felt that complete in a long time, and she never had.

Afterwards he held her as she snuggled closer. They were in the same position they had woken up in her first morning living with him.

"I gave you a hickey last night," he said, running his fingertips down her arms.

"Bianca noticed when I got to Myrtle's."

"She didn't?"

"Yes, she said to say hi to you."

"So, she knew it was me."

"Guess I really am transparent."

"For some people you're easy to read, if you want them to know your story. Other's don't understand you and never will."

"What's that supposed to mean?" She rested her chin on his chest, wrapping her arm around his torso.

"It means I'm one of the lucky ones."

"You think it's lucky to know me? That's a first. Most consider it a curse."

"Then they don't know what they're missing."

"What are we doing, Ryan?"

"I have no idea."

Chapter Four:

Kendall awoke, the sheet wrapped around her body, the only thing covering her. She stretched out her arm to place it over Ryan's body, only to find the sheet, instead of him. She opened her eyes and furrowed her brow. She looked up and saw him standing in front of the mirror, putting on a tie. She looked to the side of the bed and found her discarded shirt, putting it on and standing behind him. She wrapped her arms around and finished tying the tie for him.

"Morning," she said when she was done, turning him towards her.

He kissed her and pulled back, "Morning."

"Have plans?"

"Yes. I have a meeting with this guy at the hospital. About Gillian's Playground. Will you be here when I get back?"

"No," she said with a smirk.

"No?"

"Stop complaining, you're the one who told me I needed a job."

"Fine, fine. Can I take you to dinner tonight, then?"

"A real date?"

"Yeah."

"I'll have to check my schedule."

"You can get back to me then," he brushed his lips against hers.

"I'll do that," she responded to the kiss.

"Pick you up at Myrtle's. Seven?"

"Six-thirty," she brought her hand to the back of his head, deepening the kiss.

Ryan's meeting ended and he walked through the hall pf PVH, minding his own business.

He stopped, noticing Erica coming his way.

"Ryan, I have been meaning to talk to you."

"I don't want to talk about Chris, Erica."

"No, no. This is about Kendall."

Ryan's interest perked up at what Erica had to say about her daughter.

"What is it, Erica?"

"Well, I spoke with Bianca. She says that you and Kendall and are getting rather close."

"And what if we are?"

"Well, Ryan, you can't. She'll tear you apart. Her only goal is to ruin me. She's using you to get to Chris to get to me."

"That's funny, Erica. It really is. I don't tell you who to be friends with."

"Don't say I didn't warn you, Ryan."

Erica turned on her heel, her skirt flaring up at her turn, walking away from him.

"Ryan!" He turned and saw Hayley holding Lorenzo and Colby's hand in hers.

"Hey, what are you all doing here?"

"Ryan, we could use your help," Hayley told him.

"You know I'm here. Whatever you need."

"Um, Colby, honey, why don't you go sit in the chairs right there," Hayley pointed and the young girl did as asked.

"Liza is sick. There's a growth on her brain."

"Oh my God," he brought his hand to his mouth.

"Yeah, she's in surgery right now. No matter what happens, she'll need a while off. She wanted to know if you would take care of things at WRCW for her."

"Yeah, no problem at all. Consider it done."

"Also, and this is a big one. But Mateo and I need to stay here for my dad. Do you think you could take these two for the afternoon?"

Ryan thought about his date with Kendall and scratched the back of his head.

"Just for the afternoon. I'll come get them as soon as possible," Hayley pleaded.

"Yeah, sure. No problem," he agreed.

"Thank you, thank you," she kissed him on the cheek. "Colby, come here, sweetie. Hey, you're going to spend the afternoon with Ryan. Is that okay with you?"

The little girl nodded her head in the positive and smiled.

"I'll call you, Ryan, when I'm going to come pick them up. Thanks again," she said, kissing her son and handing him to her friend.

"Come on, guys, let's head to my place."

Ryan took Lorenzo and helped Colby out of the taxi cab and he unlocked the door to the Pine Cone. He looked in and found all of his clothes picked up off the floor and his bed made. Perched atop his bed, reading a magazine, was Kendall, in a pair of black leather pants and white halter, stiletto boots.

"Kendall," he said, getting her attention.

"Hey, I saw your bike. I thought you were here. You didn't answer I let myself in," she explained, then noticed the baby in his arms and Colby at his side. "What's going on?"

"Um, Hayley asked me to watch Colby and the baby for her this afternoon. Colby, do you have your coloring book?"

"Yes."

"Would you mind sitting at the desk for a little bit while I talk to Kendall?"

The toddler went to the desk and amused herself with her crayons.

"Sorry, I thought you were at work."

"Mateo sent me home. It was slow. Good thing I didn't go with my original plan," she smiled.

"Which was?"

"Well, let's just say had I gone with it, I might have gotten a little cold by now."

"Can you hold him for a second," Ryan handed Lorenzo over to Kendall before she could answer. She held the baby at arms length for a few seconds, looking uncomfortable. Ryan noticed. "He won't bite."

Taking his challenge, she held him closer to her, balancing him on her hip.

Ryan kneeled by Colby and started asking about her drawing. He noticed Kendall ease up a little with Lorenzo, finally holding him comfortably and walking with him, letting him play with her finger. Ryan smiled at her, liking what he was seeing.

After a while they were getting the hang of things. Kendall was actually very good with both Colby and Lorenzo. Around five, Hayley came to pick them up. Ryan was on the floor with both kids and Kendall opened the door, laughing.

"Hayley, hi," she answered.

"Kendall, what a surprise," Hayley stepped in.

"Hey," Ryan looked up from where he and Lorenzo were stacking blocks.

"Have fun?" Hayley scooped her son up and kissed him.

"Yeah, we had a great time," Ryan stood up.

"Hayley, Kendall and I drew hearts," Colby showed Hayley the picture.

"Did you? Those are beautiful. Mateo is waiting for us, so we're going to go. Thanks again, Ryan. And Kendall, thank you. I'll call you later, Ryan," Hayley said, leaving.

Ryan and Kendall laid back on the bed, silent, yet comfortable. Kendall turned and looked at his profile.

"Ryan?"

"Yeah?"

"Why do you like me?"


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